


grab a hold of my hand (i will lead you through this wonderland)

by allthisandheaven_too



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, abuse mention, child!Carmilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9165640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthisandheaven_too/pseuds/allthisandheaven_too
Summary: Due to an Alchemy Club mishap, Carmilla is transformed into a toddler, leaving Laura to take care of her until a cure can be found.Takes place in S1, at an indeterminate time between the "defeat" of the dean and fleeing the campus.(Because we always see child!Laura, but rarely child!Carmilla)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back, back again.
> 
> This one was sitting around in my drafts folder for the LONGEST time, and I finally got the inspiration to finish it. Happy New Year, everyone!
> 
> Title from "Yellow Light" by Of Monsters and Men.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laura trudged slowly up the stairs to her dorm. It had been an excruciatingly long and terrible day. She'd failed another Lit exam and had been told off by her history professor for falling asleep in class after she blinked a little too long. To top it off, it had started raining when she was halfway across the quad, and she hadn't been able to get to cover before it strengthened into a torrential downpour. Now she was dripping wet, exhausted, and quite frankly, pissed off. All she wanted was to curl up in bed with her smoking hot girlfriend and maybe watch a few episodes of Doctor Who.

Having reached the door, she turned the knob and pushed, only to find that the door was (much to everyone's surprise) locked.

"Carm, open the door. I'm really not in the mood," she grumbled.

Behind the door, she heard sounds of frenzied activity and hushed whispers and sighed. "I'm not kidding, Carmilla."

The door opened a crack, and a familiar ginger head was barely visible. "LaFontaine?"

"Uh, hey, L," they said, smiling a little too widely at her. "Listen, is there any chance you might be able to come back a little bit later?"

"What? Why?" Laura shook her head. "Never mind. No. I don't care whatever crazy experiment you were doing, it's fine with me. Please, just let me in."

They bit their lip anxiously. "Laura–"

A high-pitched wailing sound came from the room, followed by more whispering.

"Carm!" Laura cried. She pushed past them, stumbling into the room, only to find Perry standing in front of Carmilla's bed, looking ever so prim and put together. Carmilla was nowhere to be seen.

Laura raised an eyebrow. "Perry, what was that?"

"What was what, sweetie?"

Just then, the wailing began again. 

Perry's shoulders slumped, knowing the jig was up, and she stepped to the side.

On the bed stood a little girl with wild black curls, in a t-shirt that was much too big for her, crying her eyes out.

Laura's jaw dropped. "Is that–"

Perry nodded. "Yes, ah... it's Carmilla."

The girl—Carmilla—wailed some more. Perry tried to comfort her. "There, there, sweetheart. It's okay."

Carmilla didn't stop crying.

Laura stared at LaFontaine. "What– but– how–" she sputtered.

LaFontaine stared at the ground. "The Alchemy Club was testing a youth serum. It was supposed to be tested on Camilla Johnson, a freshman, but they got her confused with Carmilla, and so they accidentally... administered it to the wrong person."

"How do you accidentally–"

LaFontaine sighed. "They spiked the wrong drink. Or, in her case–" they jabbed a finger at Carmilla, "–blood."

"Spiking drinks? That has to be illegal." Laura massaged her temples. "You know what? I'm not even surprised anymore."

"Laura?" Perry was beside her suddenly. "She won't stop crying."

"Yeah, I have ears, Perry," Laura groaned.

"Well you're her girlfriend!" Perry gestured to the toddler, wailing away on the bed. "If anyone can calm her down it's you. Plus, I have brownies in the oven that I have to get back to."

LaFontaine grinned. "Aw, sweet!"

Laura glanced over at Carmilla. Her face was going red from all the screaming. Seeing as she didn't have to breathe, Laura knew she could probably go on forever.

"Fine." Laura pointed a finger at LaFontaine. "But you'd better fix this."

LaFontaine saluted, and they followed Perry out of the room.

As soon as the door shut, Carmilla stopped crying.

Laura gave a gasp of relief. "If I knew it was that easy I would have kicked them out a lot time ago."

Carmilla stared up at her from the bed with splotchy cheeks and watery eyes. Laura stared back.

She really was very cute. A little under three feet tall, if Laura had to guess. She was wearing the clothes of her older self, but the shirt was like a dress on her newly-shrunken frame and the jeans had fallen to her ankles. Her hair was curlier than it usually was (when she was an adult, that is) and fell in perfect ringlets around her round little face. And her eyes were big and dark and were giving Laura's famous puppy-dog pout a run for its money. 

"Hi," Laura said.

Carmilla just looked at her.

"Do you know who I am?" Laura hedged. She was unsure if the Alchemy Club's serum had affected Carmilla's memory.

"Laura?" Carmilla said in a little voice, and Laura's heart swelled despite it all. Adorable.

"Yes, that's right." Laura took a step towards the bed. "I'm Laura."

"You're my mommy."

Laura immediately took a step back. "Ooooohkay. Nope. Nope nope nope. I am _not_  your mommy."

Carmilla's expression grew puzzled. "You're not?"

"No."

Her face screwed up as she pointed to her chest. "Then why do you make me feel weird?"

Now it was Laura's turn to be confused. "I'm sorry, what?"

Carmilla pointed to her chest more aggressively. "In here."

_Oh god._

Carmilla was still attracted to her. 

And she was confusing that for motherly affection.

"Because we're friends," Laura lied.

Carmilla paused, considering this alternative explanation. "Oh."

She kicked off her oversized jeans, got down from the bed and approached Laura. She stared up at her. "So you're not my mommy."

"No."

She poked Laura's shirt. "You're wet."

Laura looked down at the puddle she was creating on the floor and suddenly remembered that she was, in fact, drenched.

"Oh. Yeah. I got caught in the rain." She moved toward the armoire but paused. She was feeling a bit weird about changing in front of a toddler version of her girlfriend. 

Then again, children didn't see the naked body as anything inherently sexual.

So she went ahead and changed into sweatpants and a tank top while Carmilla looked on, albeit as quickly as possible.

Once she was in nice dry clothes, Laura turned to Carmilla and sat down on the floor in front of her, and took the only course of action she knew consistently worked around young children. "So, wanna watch a Disney movie?"

Carmilla grinned, and Laura couldn't help but notice her fangs poking out. Little Carmilla must not have known how to control them the way her adult counterpart could. "Yeah."

With lightning speed, Carmilla ran to Laura's desk, grabbed her laptop, and ran back, so quickly Laura barely had time to register she had moved. Her little body staggered under the relative weight of the computer and Laura snatched it out of her arms before they gave out. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Carmilla answered with cheerful politeness. 

Laura raised an eyebrow. So Carmilla _was_  polite once.

"What?"

Oh. She'd said that out loud, hadn't she?

"Nothing. My bed or yours?"

Carmilla gave both beds a cursory glance, then scrambled up on Laura's.

Laura shook her head slightly and chuckled as she joined Carmilla on the bed. _Some things never change._

* * *

They watched movies for the better part of the afternoon. Laura was intrigued to find that Little Carmilla's favorite film (Mulan) did not line up with her older iteration's (Beauty and the Beast). 

When the credits for The Little Mermaid began to roll, Carmilla looked up at Laura with those wide brown eyes. "I'm hungry."

Laura froze. 

How do you feed a baby vampire?

Because yes, even in her toddler state, Carmilla was still very much a vampire. The fangs and hyperspeed from earlier made that perfectly clear. The question was, did she _remember_  that she was a vampire? She didn't remember who Laura was, and Laura liked to think herself a large part of Carmilla's life, so if she didn't remember Laura, chances were she might not know she was an undead being, and if she didn't, the likelihood that she would willingly drink blood was incredibly low, but that was the only thing that would quell her hunger, and god knew there were few things worse for one's health than a hungry vampire–

She was brought out of her reverie by a slurping sound beside her.

In all this worrying, Laura failed to notice that an impatient Carmilla had gone to the minifridge and retrieved herself a bag of blood and a package of Chips Ahoy. The little girl was now contentedly devouring her snacks, unaware of Laura and her neuroses. 

Laura let out a long breath, then managed to smile. 

She grabbed a cookie from the package. "Sharing is caring."

"Hey!" Carmilla yelled, but she was giggling. 

Laura grabbed another cookie, and another, and Carmilla laughed harder, and Laura thought she could get used to this.

* * *

In fact, the night only got better from there, if it was even possible. Laura did all the things she had wanted to do with friends when she herself was a little girl. She and Carmilla ate loads of cookies and painted each other's nails (black, naturally). Laura even allowed Carmilla to do her makeup, and for a five-year-old it wasn't that bad. Pretty heavy on the eyeliner, but she supposed that was to be expected.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Laura asked her charge as she capped the nail polish.

Carmilla thought for a moment. "Um..."

Just then, a loud bang came from somewhere on the floor. Startled, Carmilla shrieked, and there was a puff of black smoke, and when it cleared she was gone.

Laura's heart shot into her throat. "Carmilla!" She whirled around, her eyes scanning every corner of the room for the little girl. "Carmilla!"

The door to the dorm flew open, and Laura was elated for a moment in thinking it might be Carmilla, and that she had just teleported herself outside the room. But instead, it was LaFontaine. They were covered in soot and looking very proud of themselves. "I'm sure you're wondering, so I came to tell you myself: That, frosh, was the sound of success." 

Laura's eyes widened. "You finished the antidote?"

"Well. No. But thanks to that combustion reaction you just heard, I'm super close. I just need, like, two more hours, and then you'll have your Broody McFangface back." They craned their neck around Laura. "Um, where is she, exactly?"

Laura bit her lip. "That's kiiiiinda what I'm trying to find out right now."

"You lost your toddler girlfriend?" LaFontaine wrinkled their nose. "Bad phrasing. Pretend I didn't say anything."

"But you're not wrong," Laura moaned. "I did lose her. She heard your combust-whatever and got spooked, and then she just- she just _poofed_  out of here!"

LaFontaine looked thoughtful. They stepped past Laura and further into the room. 

Laura followed them, barely hiding her impatience. "Hey LaF, I hate to be pushy, but don't you have an antidote to finish?"

LaFontaine whipped their head around and held a finger to their lips. _"Shhh!"_

Laura shushed.

The next thing she knew, LaFontaine had dropped to their knees and was peering beneath both beds while crawling along the floor between them.

"LaF, what are you–"

"Found her."

Laura was on the floor in less than a second.

"But it's too low to the ground," Laura huffed as she dragged herself in position beside LaFontaine, who was staring into the darkness beneath Laura's bed. "She could never fit under here."

"Not as a human, she couldn't." LaFontaine pointed. "Look."

Laura squinted. 

At first, she saw nothing. She focused harder.

There. A glint of light, reflecting off of what appeared to be two small marbles.

LaFontaine pulled a tiny flashlight out of their pocket and shone it under the bed. "Voila. Catmilla the Younger."

A tiny black kitten was huddled against the wall, trembling.

"Oh," Laura whispered.

She turned to LaFontaine. "Turn the light off, she's scared."

LaFontaine obliged, and stood up. "Well, my work here is done. Gotta get back to aging your girlfriend."

Laura waved them off. "You do that."

LaFontaine sighed theatrically as they left. "No one appreciates me." 

Laura, meanwhile, was fully engrossed in trying to coax Carmilla out from under the bed and barely noticed her friend's exit. 

"Come on, baby," she murmured, offering a hand under the bed the way one does to animals. "Come on out. It's okay. It's safe. That noise was just LaF. You can come out."

Slowly, slowly, Carmilla padded forward. Without the light, Laura couldn't tell she was moving at all until a tiny cold nose touched the back of her hand. 

Laura beamed, and gradually withdrew her hand. Carmilla followed it. "That's it. Come on. Come out. You're almost there." 

Finally, Carmilla's little head poked out from beneath the bed. 

Laura couldn't hold back the squeal that escaped her. Carmilla was the cutest kitten she had ever seen.

Carmilla looked up at her with familiar brown eyes and mewled. Laura reached out slowly to scratch her behind the ears. Carmilla leaned her head upwards into Laura's touch and then walked right up to her, and rubbed her face against Laura's cheek.

Carmilla used to do this to Laura sometimes when she was human, and grown up. Laura had always suspected it had something to do with Carmilla's felinity, and now that suspicion was confirmed.

Laura sat up and crossed her legs. Carmilla walked right into her lap and sat there. She widened her eyes and mewled again, undoubtedly begging for attention.

Laura was glad to give it to her. "You're just a little fuzzball, aren't you?" she cooed, stroking Carmilla's fur. "Just a sweet little fuzzball."

Carmilla appeared to be soothed by the stroking. She began purring, like the tiniest car motor. She curled up in a ball in Laura's lap.

Laura continued stroking. Carmilla's little cat eyelids began to droop, and then they fell completely.

Suddenly, there was not a poof, but more like a mist of black smoke, and when it cleared, toddler Carmilla was curled up in her lap, fast asleep.

Laura breathed a sigh of relief. As cute as kitten Carm had been, she was wondering how, if ever, she was going to change back. 

Carmilla shifted, and her eyes opened. She yawned. It was incredibly catlike.

Laura looked at her.

She looked at Laura.

And then she sat up and threw her arms around Laura's neck. 

"I love you," she said.

Laura's heart clenched, then grew to fill her entire chest. It wasn't quite the love she was expecting from her girlfriend today, but it was more than enough.

She hugged Carmilla tightly.

"I love you too."

* * *

"Carmilla Karnstein, get down from there!"

It was nearing daylight, and so it was nearing Carmilla's bedtime. Laura was bone-tired. She had been up all night trying to keep Carmilla occupied, and she was quickly nearing the 24-hour mark of when she'd last slept.

The sun was almost up, so Laura had gone into the bathroom to get ready for bed at last. When she emerged, she found Carmilla jumping on her bed, filled with all the energy in the world.

Laura wondered dryly if this was how parents felt.

"Don't wanna," Carmilla said simply, and continued bouncing.

"You have to. It's time to sleep," Laura barely kept herself from wailing. "Aren't you tired?"

"No."

"Well, I am. I am so, so tired." Laura buried her head in her hands. "Please, Carmilla, just settle down!"

Carmilla kept bouncing. "If I stop, will you answer a question?"

Laura glanced up, her face awash with hope. "Yes. Yes, yes, oh god yes. Anything. Just go get ready for bed first."

"Okay." Carmilla landed on the bed and allowed herself to stop jumping, then zoomed into the bathroom. She was back in mere seconds.

Laura tucked Carmilla into her own bed, then sat on the edge. "Okay, a deal's a deal. What's your question?"

Carmilla immediately pushed out of the covers so she could sit up, facing Laura. Her expression was remarkably impassive.

"So, if you're not my mommy, then where _is_  my mommy?"

Lord.

Laura had never been one for tact, and before her brain could remind her that her audience was a small, impressionable child, she blurted out the truth. "She's dead."

Carmilla's eyes filled with tears immediately. "D-dead?"

_That was the wrong thing to say. That was the wrong thing to say!_  her brain screamed at her.

But it was too late to back out. Now she had to see this through.

"No, no, shhh. It's okay." Laura tried stroking her hair, her cheek, anything to comfort her as she scrambled for what to say next. "She– um– You don't like her. You didn't like her."

Carmilla sniffled. "I didn't?"

"No. She was very mean to you. She..." Laura tried to choose her words carefully. "She hurt you. Badly."

Carmilla turned away and crossed her arms. "She wouldn't do that. She's my mommy. She can't hurt me."

Laura's heart broke a little more with every word she had to say. A tear fell from her left eye and she quickly wiped it away, but another one fell from her right. "I know it doesn't make sense to you right now. But even the people you love the most can still hurt you."

"No." She shook her head furiously and in another world it might have been convincing, but Little Carmilla was decisively worse at hiding her emotions than Adult Carmilla, despite her valiant efforts. She had not yet mastered the art of crying silently. Her sobs were hiccuping, loud things, letting the whole world know her pain. 

Laura wanted to hold her. 

Instead she just said, "I'm sorry, Carmilla. I am so, so sorry."

Carmilla had clearly heard her, but she didn't– wouldn't– couldn't stop crying.

Neither could Laura.

The door opened, and LaFontaine and Perry entered. LaFontaine was holding a flask. Perry was holding a tray of brownies.

"One aging serum for Laura Hollis," LaFontaine announced.

Laura wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands. "LaF, now's not a good time–"

"Aging serum?" Carmilla had stopped crying suddenly, so very suddenly, and Laura watched as her little face went from confusion to comprehension, and then finally to terror. 

She stared at Laura. Laura stared at her.

"What are you going to do to me?" she whispered.

Laura tried to speak, but nothing came out. 

LaFontaine piped in for her. "Oh, not much. We're just going to bring you back to your normal age. 18. Or, well, 335, I guess, technically."

Carmilla's eyes widened. She looked at Laura again. "Will I remember?"

Again, LaFontaine interrupted. "Well, yeah. That's sort of the whole point."

"Everything?" She was asking LaFontaine, but she was looking at Laura. And the fear and hope and longing in her eyes was shattering Laura's heart.

Remembering. Remembering Laura, remembering how she loved her. Laura wanted that back desperately. But it meant Carmilla would have to remember her mother, and the years of pain and torture and suffering she had been put through for three hundred years.

"I mean, probably not the time you spent in diapers with Laura, but yeah, everything else. All the stuff you forgot. Or forgot you forgot."

Carmilla was shaking her head before LaFontaine even finished. "No. No, no, no. I don't want to remember." There was only fear in her eyes now. She grabbed Laura's right arm with both hands and clung to it.

"Agh, sorry, kid, but there's no real way around it." LaFontaine stepped forward and offered her the flask. "Just take a sip. It's not that bad. Actually, it tastes like candy."

Carmilla backed away, pulling Laura in front of her. "No!"

Laura looked at LaFontaine imploringly. "LaF, maybe we could hold off on this? For now?"

LaFontaine looked between Carmilla and Laura for a few moments. At last, they nodded solemnly. "Okay. Sure. Whatever."

Perry stepped around LaFontaine, an awkward smile on her face. She walked right up to Carmilla. "We're very sorry we pushed you too much, sweetie. We don't want to force you into anything if you're not ready." She held up the tray of brownies. "Here. I know you like chocolate. This'll make you feel better."

Carmilla peeked out from behind Laura, eyeing Perry with clear distrust. She looked up at Laura, clearly waiting for a cue.

Laura nodded, wiped her eyes with her free hand, even managed to smile. "Go ahead. It's okay."

Carmilla detached a single hand from Laura's arm and took a brownie off the tray. She bit into it gingerly.

She chewed. 

She swallowed.

The whole room was silent. Everyone's eyes were trained on Carmilla, except for Carmilla's, which were watching Laura.

Suddenly, Carmilla's face contorted in pain, and she groaned softly.

"Carm? Are you okay?"

"My tummy hurts," Carmilla complained. 

Laura was about to offer to get her some ginger ale when Carmilla let out an inhuman mix between a cry and a retch and doubled over at the waist. 

"Something's... wrong," she managed to say.

Laura rounded on Perry. "You put it in the brownies!"

LaFontaine sprung forward and pushed Laura back on the bed. "Hey, leave her out of this! It was my idea!"

"How could you do this?" Laura cried. "She wasn't ready!"

"Laura, I'm really sorry, I thought you wanted Carmilla back as soon as possible and I thought she would probably complain about taking the serum so I just— I didn't know that you– that she–"

"Laura," Carmilla rasped.

Laura spun back around. "I'm here, Carmilla. I'm right here."

Laura gathered Carmilla into her arms as her little body began to shake. Tears streamed down her face. 

"I don't want to go back," Carmilla sobbed. "I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember!"

"Shh." Laura was rocking her back and forth and crying harder than she thought was probably necessary. "Shh. It's okay, baby. It's okay. Shh."

A light was coming from within her. Glowing, warm. White.

"Laura," she cried. "Laura!" 

"It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here. I got you."

The light was growing stronger.

"I'm scared."

It engulfed her body completely.

"I know."

It surrounded Laura.

"I don't want to go."

Perry.

"I know."

LaFontaine.

"I don't want to go I don't want to go I don't–"

Her breath cut out sharply, like a gasp and a choke.

"No!" Laura screamed.

And then there was nothing but white.

* * *

Laura didn't know how much time had passed before she became aware of a heavy weight on her legs.

Still sniffling, she opened her eyes.

A grown woman lay across her lap, wearing nothing but a black t-shirt.

She heard voices, departing footsteps, a door closing. It all seemed very far away.

The woman's eyes fluttered open. 

"Laura?" she breathed.

Laura was too stunned to speak.

Carmilla reached a hand up to touch her cheek, wiped away a tear. "You're crying."

Laura couldn't bear to tell her the truth. 

She gave a watery laugh and sat up straighter. "I just missed you."

Carmilla smiled dreamily. "I missed you too." She took Laura's hand in hers. "Mulan is pretty good, but Beauty and the Beast is still my favorite."

Laura stared at her. "You remember."

"Most of it." Carmilla stretched and sat up. "A few details are still fuzzy. Like how you got me to sit still for more than one of those animated pieces of nonsen–"

She was cut off by Laura's lips on hers.

When they broke apart, Laura had tears in her eyes again. "I'm sorry."

Carmilla visibly softened. She knew exactly to what Laura was referring. She didn't have to say it.

"I love you," she replied.

The early morning sun was coming in through the window. 

Carmilla tucked a wayward strand of hair behind Laura's ear. "Let's get some sleep, huh?"

Laura smiled. "Gladly. It's time for your nap, anyway."

Carmilla chucked, flopped down on the bed and pulled Laura close. Laura snuggled deep into her and kissed her softly once more as sleep took them both and the sunrise bathed them in golden light.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sigh. I made myself sad.
> 
> Find me on tumblr: nothing-to-that-light.tumblr.com


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